Self talk on the trails...

So I ran a trail race yesterday and got 2^nd overall woman. My goal was to beat my time from last year. I wasn’t out to win, just beat my time. At least that is what I originally told myself. I don’t know about you but I do a lot of self-talk before and during races. I started out just wanting to beat my time but similar to last year I did have fleeting moments of winning the 10 mile race.  Last year I finished 4^th.

My thoughts during the race make me laugh after the race. I figured I would share them with you and see if you can relate.

I lined up at the starting line with my acidotic RACING team mates-all men so we were at the front of the pack. It took me a minute to realize where I was. I looked around and it was all men, I was at the front, like second row front. Thoughts began…

Photo Courtesy of Gianina Lindsay, SNAPacidotic

What the heck am I doing here? Where are all the fast women? Oh geesh.  I think they are looking at me, I wonder what they are saying. I know I don’t belong here, Please don’t think that I think I am one of the FAST racers. I am just hanging with my friends. Don’t worry, you’ll pass me. Oh look there’s Ryan, where’s Kristina, okay she is not running. Where are the fast girls? Could this be another race where I am one of the fast girls? Ha ha. I just want to beat my 1:32. Don’t get hung up on placing. Do your best.

Okay here we go. Keep comfortable, where are the women. Okay this is fast but good. Let the fast men by, okay where are they, c’mon boys pick up the pace. Okay, I just got passed by a woman. I am good with that. Really, it’s okay. I know I am not the fastest woman here. Not possible. Damn I was passed by a woman. She might be running the 4 mile race. I want to keep her in my sights. There she is. Damn this hurts. I need to slow down but…damn where is she. Crap there’s another one. Okay. Worst case scenario I am third. Damn, I am not enjoying this pace. I need to slow down. But it’s a race and I am possibly the 3^rd place woman. Okay, don’t get passed again. That is my goal. Run my own race BUT don’t let anymore women pass me. I want to look behind me but I don’t want to jinx it. Okay, I only hear men breathing behind me. Quick look. Don’t think there are any women back there. Okay. Set a goal. Yep, going to try to keep those guys in my sights. Passed by men. That’s okay. Crap they are gone. Crap, this hurts. I want to walk but it’s not really a hill but geesh I want to walk. So fast but yet feel like I am running at a turtles pace. Where is the turn off point, it’s got to be coming up. I want to know if those women turned or if they headed to the long course. Do I ask? Oh Hi Craig. Thanks. Okay, Oh hey Chris…shit I should have asked. Here we go. Onto the long course. Hills and stuff. Let’s do this.

Second wind. Feeling good. Oh hey…who is that…oh yeah he is the guy that was next to me in registration. Oh look mountain bikers. “She’s close, go catch  her then push her down”. Ha ha. Seriously? I wouldn’t push anyone down. Is she really that close? I doubt it. I can’t see her. Ugh, out into the power lines. Ugh sun. Damn its hot. We have to be turning into the woods soon right. Please no snakes, please no snakes. It’s so hot. Back in the woods now? Nope. Oh okay now. Phew. Second wind. Need to catch those guys up there. Probably not going to catch them but a girl can dream. Damn. Feet are getting sore. Stupid bunion. Running running running. It’s hot. Wait, where the heck did he come from? Don’t let him catch you. Don’t do it. Nice, the next aid station is near. I like this part of the trail. I remember it from last year. How am I doing with water? Oh maybe I should get some water. Yes. Aid station. Sip of water, some blue stuff, water in my bottle. Damn that guy just took off. I need to get him. Crap there is the Superman Underoos guy (guy running in superman underwear and wearing a cape). I DO NOT want to be running behind that. I am outta here. Fast. Faster. Do not let him catch up. Oh here is the technical hill stuff. Ouch, ow. Oh. Stupid flippin bunion. Okay he is slowing up on the hill, take him. Huh. I am slowing down too. Not this time. Ouch. Ouch. There he is again oh crap its Super Underoos behind me. Darn, go faster. Shit where is the trail. “you guys see the trail”?  “white arrow goes this way” thanks Mr. Underoos but you are not going to pass me. “I sure hope you know where you’re going because I am following you” chuckle chuckle…he will stay behind me. I don’t want to see that junk. Push it girl. Get away, far away. Okay, I got that guy now. Thanks, You too buddy. I am going to die. Ouch, oh,  ouch…Oh F@%K! My toes, my toes-that hurt. Now it’s not just my bunion. It’s all my toes. Might lose a toenail from that one. Darn rock, it’s not the rocks fault. You’re getting tired.  Oh look there is Tristan. Hmm…wonder if he is hurt. Aid station on the other side of the tunnel. “I think your second woman, go get it”. shot of water. Okay second wind. I wonder how far behind I am. I am all by myself. No one behind me, no one in front of me. Crap. Pay attention. Push yourself. Just a little under 2 miles to go. Push yourself but save a little. Oh hey it’s that fast guy cooling down. “good job, second woman”.  Great. That confirms it, I really am second. It’s okay. I am not fast enough to be first. If I was first that would be the slowest first place finish time ever. Darn. It would have been cool to be first. Ugh. I just want to be done. Push yourself. Okay I hear cowbell. False alarm, there was cowbell but it’s not the finish. Thanks for cheering! Okay keep pushing. Oh awesome I see the building. Oh look its Gianina and Cameron. Smile. C’mon smile. Okay. Push it, the finish is around the corner, push it. Feeling strong. Okay and done. Woo hoo. Cheers. Okay I am second woman.  What. Seriously? I was two minutes slower than last year? Ugh. Oh hey thanks. Yeah but I was two minutes slower than last year.  Okay second woman. Not bad for such a hot day and tired legs. I did climb a few mountains last week. Okay I guess I am okay with my finish time. Next year. Next year I need to be faster. Good thing I got a free entry.

The end.

Look what I found. A picture of Mr. Superman Underoos. I modified the picture a little. I am sure he is a nice guy but I wanted to enjoy the view of the trail and not be distracted by his outfit.

 

Body image...

Recently a popular Facebook women's running group was inundated with women posting pictures of themselves in bikinis, underwear, swim suits etc being loud and proud about their bodies and progress they have made. I don't closely follow this particular group but to be honest I was wondering what the heck was going on with all these pictures that I didnt really care to see popping up in my news feed. I thought it was a little strange that this group was promoting this but to each its own. Not something I would do but for many people this is how they measure their progress. 
What caught my eye was a non-bathing suit post. It was a post from a woman named Maria (I think) who had commented that these "success stories" were not inspiring her. She mentioned that she had been feeling proud of herself and how strong she was becoming through running. She also noted that seeing the bathing suit pics started to take that pride away from her. She has had multiple C-sections and feels like she will never be able to attain the success that the women posting have had. She was being honest and real. She was not pointing fingers, just expressing how the posts made her feel. I was upset to read this and for the first time ever, I commented on a strangers post in the group. As I scrolled up I could see people relating to her and commenting about surgery etc. This is NOT what this woman needed to read. Surgery is NOT an option for many people. I was upset because she had lost hope. She was feeling proud and let other people's "success" bring her down. After I left my comment I had read some comments below mine about how these pictures need to stop.

I had a couple people like my comment, heck, I liked my comment. When I went back to the post to see what transpired...It was gone. I then went to the group's page and saw that the administrators had removed the "negative" posts and were pleading to keep things positive. To be honest, this frustrated me a little because Maria's post was not negative. Maybe some of the comments that transpired after her post were negative but her post itself was just plain ole honesty. I would think that it would be important for the admins to maybe apologize and ask the negative comments to stop but they deleted the whole post. On a positive note, they did create a photo album for people to post their progress pictures in. Still, the pics continue to come across my feed. I am debating upon leaving the group or just ignore the pics. I really dont want to see the photos, how I look in a bathing suit is not how I measure my progress. I measure my progress with how I am feeling. But that is how I choose to look at my journey, I understand that not everyone feels the same way I do. I respect that.

So, what was my comment to Maria? Well, since it was deleted, I will need to paraphrase...

Maria, please dont compare your journey to other people's journeys. We all had different starting points. You should continue to be proud about the strength running has given you. I have gone from a size 16/18 to a size 4/6 and would never post a picture of myself in a bathing suit to show my progress. You cant *see* how you feel...

With that said I was wondering if I was being a hypocrite because I had just posted this picture on my Facebook page...

Really what this picture is saying is that when I was bigger I appeared to be happy and really was I miserable on the inside.  It took several years and many, many, ups and downs to get the point that I am at today. I do feel strong on the inside-for the first time ever. Losing weight and finding physical strength definitely added to my ability to find emotional and spiritual strength but seriously, this is the first time ever that I have felt this way. I didn't feel this good about myself back in high school when I weighed 125. Its the journey, the good and the bad, that has built the happy and strong person I am today.

Hey did you guys just run a Pemi?

Last weekend I ran my first Pemi. If you are not from New England or if you don’t run/hike mountains you might not know of the “Pemi”. It’s a Pemi Loop, more specific it’s the Pemigewasset Loop. Still confused, it’s a trail that forms a loop in the Pemigewasset Wilderness in the White Mountains. The Pemi Loop covers 31 miles of trail and 9 peaks with the opportunity to take a couple boot spurs to grab a couple more peaks for a total of 11 peaks.  Nine out of the 11 are official 4,000 footers (there are 48 in total) of New Hampshire. After this trip I have 30/48 4,000 footers completed.

I didn’t do this loop on my own. I was fortunate to join 3 other amazing women on this adventure. I started out the weekend barely knowing one of the women, not knowing one at all, and getting to know one better over the course of the year. I finished the journey with a powerful bond shared with all three of these women. Each of us had our ups and downs over the course of 14 hours we spent on the trail and we rallied together to pull each other through. We didn’t talk about it we just did it.

The day was predicted to be a little dismal. Reports of rain to start the day, with cool overcast skies throughout the day. We were fortunate that the rain had stopped long enough for us to break down camp and get ready to run. We quickly grabbed our breakfasts, did some prepping and then headed over to the trail head for last minute prep. Two of us were newbies (myself included) to this type of endurance running. One of us (not me) had never been to the Whites to hike or run. Crazy girl-first trip out and she was preparing to cover 31 miles and 11 peaks…in the Whites. Not an easy goal to meet.

We started out a little slow, then got off and running as soon as we hit the single track. The air was heavy and the fog was thick turning into a heavy mist. The skies cleared a little as we got up to where we should have been able to see the beginning of great views. We got to the top of Flume and it was chilly and super foggy. Time to add some layers. After a couple quick photos we were on our way. I should take a moment to mention that we had adopted a solo hiker along the way. His name was Josh, I deemed him “Man who walks with sticks” or Man with Sticks for short. He has running/hiking with poles and we always knew where he was whether we were getting closer to him or he was getting closer to us, we could hear the tapping of his poles against the rocks. We met up on almost all of the peaks for the first part of the hike.   After Flume we hit Liberty and Little Haystack.  It was still foggy and I am not going to lie, fog or no fog, some of the cliffs freaked me out. Had to keep telling myself to focus and not look down, it made my head spin. As we were preparing to hit Lafayette, we layered up. The wind was strong, 20-40 mph.  I was surprised that I never got cold wearing a running skirt and extra wind resistant layers on top (hat and gloves too). I am thankful that I have hiked Lafayette before on a bright and sunny days because the views from the top are amazing. Last Saturday there weren’t any views but it was still pretty sweet to be running along that ridge. From Lafayette we headed down to Garfield, got a little thrown off but quickly found our way and were off and running. This is where my low point started. Because we were running on small wet rocks my feet were doing a lot of sliding around. No matter what shoes I wear I tend to have the same issue. My right foot (bunion on my big toe) was starting to ache. Every time I hit the inside of my foot (where the bunion and callus are) pain would shoot up. I was super uncomfortable but was determined to work through it, I knew it would work itself out but lagging behind is not something that settles well with me. We hit Garfield and again the view was not as great as it was for me the last time I was up but the last time I was up there the sun was out but the clouds were low  and I didn’t have a clear view of the valleys and mountain tops then either.  Descending from Garfield I knew what to expect since I was just on that trail last fall. What I didn’t expect was descending down a waterfall. Super cool and the cold water that sneaked its way onto my feet was a little refreshing on my painful feet. After more rugged trail and some steep climbs up large rocks we hit the Galehead hut. Two of us stayed at the hut while the other two made and extra mile (round trip) hike to the top of Galehead. I had already summited that peak and was ready to give my feet a break. I knew the hike up South Twin was going to be steep. I went down that trail last fall and was watching all these people hike up with their big ole heavy packs and I was thankful that I was not them. I ate my lunch and rested and after the other two got their break we were off and “running” again. My legs were tired as we started ascending but as we got half way up, I was feeling great.  We hit  South Twin, took another “selfie” and were on our way to the Bonds. I should note at one point there was talk about bailing on the run if the weather wasn’t going to clear because wind, rain, and cold on the Bonds would not be all that fun. BUT we didn’t bail and the odds were in our favor as the sun started to peek.  Us two Newbies took the boot spur to West Bond .6 miles there and back. That far in the trip the thought of the extra mileage was daunting but I was psyched to add another 4,000 footer to my list. When we summited West Bond we could see the sun peering through the breaks in the clouds. We had a decent view and were pleased to make the trip up to the little peak.  Back on the trail we trudged along made it over one more hump and the trees opened as did the skies! It was gorgeous. The sun shining on the green shrubbery and a clear view of the rocky trail that was before us. We took a quick moment to take it all in and were on our way. First Bond then to Bond Cliffs. There was a spectacular view from Bond Cliff, the wind was a little strong and I did my best to stay away from the cliff edge. There was no way I was going out on the peak to take a picture, I feared a wind gust would take me of the edge. After a quick break, slap happy laughter and talks of pizza and BEER we were on our way down. Wowzers that was long descend with several river crossings and lots of mosquitos as the terrain leveled out. We got to the intersection that signified 6 more miles. Shit. SIX MORE MILES! We all sucked it up and put our running legs on and made our way towards the finish. There was no stopping for fear of turning into mosquito bait. Pushed through shredded quads and finished in just under 14 hours. Our goal was 12 but I am sure having us newbies in tow and the few side runs to bag a couple of peaks added to the time. Our running time was under 11 hours. We were all on  runners high including man with sticks who was waiting for us in the parking lot. We feasted on some food that might not be so good for us like salty chips. But I did remember my recovery drink and washed everything down with some refreshing cold coconut water. While we all were on our runners high,  

a couple of us were a little nauseous at the finish and the pizza and beer we dreamed of didn’t happen. We stopped for a quick bite and were on our way, four giddy girls who just shared a powerful experience and now share a special bond provided by the Pemi Loop. Lets share a beer soon ladies, reminisce and plan our next adventure!

Tomorrow I take on the Rockpile. Mt Washington Auto road race-7 miles up. My first trip up that mountain. What the heck was I thinking!

My photo gallery (I had issues posting them within the blog).

First view

First view

Flume

Liberty

Lafayette

Adams

The trail/waterfall

Go Acidotic!

South Twin

West Bond

I see sun!

Trail ahead

Bond

On our way to Bond Cliff

View of west Bond from Bond Cliff

love the views!

She got asked to take their picture...I would have said No! Too scary

Bond Cliff

Back down we go