Last minute end of the year post

I have been thinking about what to write for my last post of 2013 for a few days now. I keep saying "I have to update my blog" but just haven't been able to get into it. I thought I would be blogging
like crazy after my surgery but truth is, I have gotten lazy. I have been enjoying the pajama wearing life style, watching mindless television and playing Sudoku (<--I just learned how to play thanks to my friend Diane's care package). Another truth, I am a procrastinator. I am NOT going to make a resolution to stop procrastinating. I actually feel I do some of my best work when I procrastinate. I also don't do resolutions. I set goals and challenges and since I cant seem to turn down a challenge, I usually reach my goals. So I suppose this blog will be just another blog updating on my progress since the removal of baby fibroid.


Triplets

First, this has been a challenging situation but slightly less challenging than I thought it would be. I was terrified for surgery. I REALLY didn't want to be cut open. The morning of the surgery my doc had a little heart to heart with me and told me that he had reviewed my MRI over and over and felt that he needed to make a vertical incision to give himself more room to work. He was afraid that baby fibroid was lodged under stuff (like bowel stuff) and needed some elbow room. That was the worst case scenario. I think he was excited to see what my insides had in store for him. I was okay with the news but still didn't like that there was a last minute game change. I shrugged it off and repeated my mantra-expect the worst, hope for the best. My positive thinking paid off when I woke up and he told me that he didn't have to do the vertical incision.(Baby fibroid was also smaller than expected and there were two smaller ones that were removed as well. So it was more like a small orange and a couple small grapes-triplets.)  He explained that once I was out, he was able to do another examination and since I was "out" he was able to root around a little and found that baby fibroid was most likely not trapped under bowel and so it was a horizontal incision and when he got in there it was a very simple procedure. Its a good thing I felt comfortable with the doc and my surgical team or I would have felt a little violated with the way he described the pre-op examination!  Anyhow, I also didn't need staples. I had dissolvable stitches and glue. That meant one less trip up the hospital, one less favor I had to ask of my friends since I wouldn't have been able to drive myself. Expect (prepare) for the worst, hope for the best.

I did have to drive myself back to the hospital a week later due to strange happenings in the swelling and fluid. I had an air bubble, gross...weird. The doc couldn't pinpoint what was happening. Since I was off the painkillers (which did make me feel a little buzz) and I was feeling pretty good, I was able to drive myself the hour up to the hospital. Of course the swelling wasn't as bad by then but the doc assured me that as long as I wasn't experiencing a list of side affects that the fluid will subside and there was nothing to worry about. The appointment took 5 minutes. 1 hour drive, 5 minute appointment. I decided to start my Christmas shopping...6 days before Christmas, one day after I sent my care package to Michigan. I should back track and say that earlier that week I freaked out because I wasn't able to be creative and make and buy special presents for my family like I typically like to do. Control freak in full force. So, I was able to do some shopping for my NH peeps and quickly learned that even though I felt okay, my abdomen was sensitive. I drove the hour back home and sat around the rest of the day and start my Holiday cards. I take pride in being creative and making them from scratch and I was NOT going to give that up! That was Thursday night and the cards finally got in the mail Saturday morning. Christmas was on Wednesday. I was feeling good about getting them done, sore from sitting hunched over for so long but good.

Unfortunately, I am still having some GI issues but I do think the surgery has helped a little. I have an appointment with my GI doc in a couple of weeks and I will go in with my dukes up, ready for a fight. I am still not satisfied with the IBS diagnosis. I am sure that its partially a factor but there is no way what is going on is totally IBS-I will spare you the details and end this discussion.

I have been to the gym 3-4 times now since my surgery and I have ran 3 times (3 days in a row)-1.5 miles, 1 mile, 2+miles!  I felt amazing on last night's run and thought for sure I was running at regular pace...ha ha. I was about 30 seconds slower than that but it still felt good.  I am off to the gym again today, I probably wont run but will sit and do some cardio on the bike.

One thing that I have been doing a lot of is thinking...
I am getting myself psyched up to start enjoying running again. I was starting to get a little burned out before the surgery so I guess it was a good time to take a break. I am putting together my training schedule and am waiting to see the dates of some of my favorite races before I post my schedule. I have been saying that my big goal this year is to train more and race less. Really it is more like just TRAIN. I am horrible at following a training schedule and pushing myself in my training. So this year I want to train harder and better and possibly race a little less so I can focus more on my training. My dilemma is there are sooooo many races that I want to do! The problem with racing so much is that I want to focus on distance this year with my big race being the Hampshire 100. 100k of running in my back yard! Run Strong. NO regrets!

Okay, time to get out of my PJs and start the day. I wish everyone a safe and happy New Years. May you have no regrets in 2014!

 

The year of the Fibroid

This is how I started my day...

Pre-Op liquid diet

I am hoping that tomorrow (Wednesday) is the beginning of the end for me! I am having surgery. Basically I am having a C-section to remove a large (baseball/softball) sized fibroid that is sitting in the back of my uterus pushing all my parts around-my girlie parts and my pooping parts.

"Baby Fibroid"

This darn thing has been giving me issues since March and tomorrow...tomorrow it will be evicted from my body!

 

Most of my friends have heard me agonize, complain, and obsessively talk about my lower GI issues. Its been a huge part of my life. It has affected my work, my personal life, and caused me to be emotionally drained. It started with diarrhea and my intestines growled louder than your average stomach growl. I was bloated, I felt like you could pop my abdomen with a pin. I always felt like I needed to go poo.  I would go from bouts of diarrhea to messed up, crazy, abnormal bowel movements. I finally went to see my GI and she said it was IBS. I was diagnosed with IBS several years back after a period of constipation, firm stools,  blood, and discomfort. I did not buy that what I was going through this time was only IBS. I tried the Low FODMAP diet. At first I loosely followed it and my BM issues started to clear up but I still had crazy GI stuff going on. A LOT of discomfort. I asked my GI and my primary about girlie issues and whether or not that could affect my GI. They both basically said "maybe, but I doubt it". I finally had a yearly examination with a doctor who ended up not being my primary. SHE listened to me. She was not sold on my theory but she felt like it was worth a shot to have it checked out. She prescribed a transvaginal ultrasound. I will let you figure that one out. Long-story short...Fibroids were discovered. They couldn't tell how many or how large...2 doctors later and I was signed up for an MRI. The girl parts specialist was doubting that this fibroid was causing my issues, she didn't think it was big enough. Then she read the MRI results. WOW! I am not an expert but I could clearly see that baby fibroid was sitting back on/near my rectum as well as pushing my uterus and all my other parts out of the way. yep. THIS is probably what has been the source of the nagging pain on the left side of my abdomen that I have had for close to year. Baby fibroid sits on the right pushing everything to the left. I have a good understanding of my body. I know my body and am keen to when things are going wrong. Since March I have been able to sense and feel everything going on...its weird. I can feel bubbles, pains, rumbling, you name it in my abdomen. I feel like I can almost trace my food as it leaves my body. I am ready to not notice this stuff any more. While I have no doubt that the initial signs could have been IBS, I feel the IBS was triggered by the stress baby fibroid is causing my body. I think the LowFODMAP diet helped. I have reintroduced foods back into my diet and even try wheat on occasion and while I don't get instant diarrhea my GI tracts gets a little messed up but it did from time to time when I was on the diet. I am hoping that once baby fibroid is out and my parts are settled back in I will start to get some answers about my diet etc. I am hoping that diet will be one less thing I will have to worry so much about with my training. Don't get me wrong. I will still work towards eating smart and healthy but I hope to be able to go back to eating healthy and not have to worry about every little thing I put in my mouth and how it might affect my GI. It tends to drive ya a little insane after awhile.

 

I laugh because lately I have had similar symptoms as to what I have been told pregnant women have: Irregular bowel movements, what I call "fireworks" in my lower abdomen that could be similar to baby movements, bloating (I look a little preggers) and indigestion. Its time for Baby Fibroid to go!

 

I want to thank all my family and friends for your support. A BIG thank you to my running friends as my GI issues was often the topic of conversations on our runs. I hope that the next time I am asked  "how are you feeling?" I don't have to come back with some poop related story and I can truly and honestly say "I feel great"! 

Sparkly headbands, running skirts, trail shoes, and a smile!

Picture taken at the top of North Kinsman



Who is this girl? I have said it before but I never would I have imagined that I would be running mountains/trails for the fun of it! Well, I take that back. There was the time I ran away from home when I was around 3 years old. I grabbed my blueberry picking bucket, hiked up a big hill and headed out on the trail. Apparently I didn't get very far because when my dad found me I was tumbled over, tangled in the wild blueberry bushes! My dad loves telling that story and now I get call him and share my true hiking/running adventures.

Beautiful colors all weekend long!

At the trail head of Kinsman Trail

I dedicated Columbus day weekend 2013 to me, myself, and I. 


South Kinsman

 

View from Bald Peak off of Kinsman Trail

 

Didn't quite make it to Cannon but I made it to this un named 3,000 footer

 

 The gorgeous trail as the sun was setting on the way down Kinsman





I decided to stay up there for the night and found this lovely campsite

It was "illegal" but it was also the middle of the government shut down and the campgrounds were closed and Ranger Rick wasn't on duty to bust the rule breakers.

I started out on my 20ish mile journey from the trail head for North Twin mountain.

 

The morning fog was burning off but after I got above tree line this was the amazing view that I saw...

 

 

I headed to South twin then down to Galehead where this was the view...okay so there wasn't a view!

 

 

Next up was Garfield...which provided another amazing view above the clouds. The view made up for the rugged trek and less than enjoyable terrain at times on the way over from Galehead.

 

I took Garfield trail back down and much to my surprise it was runnable! As I was heading down I passed a man and a group of young teenagers for a second time. They were surprised to see me running and one of the boys yelled "you go girl" and I thought to myself... Yeah, you go girl! I had a hug smile on my face the rest of the run down. Once I reached the access road I soon discovered that the map can prepare you for where to go but it cant prepare you for the elevation...The access road back to the trail that would eventually lead me to my car was all up hill and while I had intended to run it I had about 3-5 miles to go and my feet were less than thrilled. It was beautiful and made for a nice run/hike.

 

I have to admit, I wasn't really sure where I was going, it all looked good on the map but what I was taking wasn't really an established route but I made it...super proud of myself and super hungry. I wasn't prepared with snacks/food for another day and managed to complete my 20 mile journey on a pack of shot blocks, peanut butter, 1 pack of vanilla gel and 2 rice cakes. BTW-vanilla gel tastes pretty good on a rice cake!

 

Little did I know that this adventure would kick start a new journey-hike all 48 of NH's 4,000 footers!

 



 







Its impossible to watch a sunset and not dream ~ Bern Williams

Tapering for the Marine Corp Marathon began this week. Now you runners that know me know how bad I am at following training plans. My goal for next year is to race less and train more/better but since I filled my schedule with a bunch of races, and I have a hard time not going all out when I race, I am blaming my race schedule for my poor training ethic this year. Anyhow, after the VT 50 I decided that I could start following the marathon training plan to get me through the next couple of weeks. (Funny thing is I did the same thing while training for the VT 50...I decided to stick to the training plan the last two weeks of the plan.). I had a nice 5 mile run with some intervals thrown in on Monday. The colors were beautiful running in Deering on the back country dirt roads and rail trail. On my way home Monday I had noticed that the colors down Bear hill road looked like they were at peak and the reflection of the setting sun made them look even better.  Tuesday the plan was to run 3 miles. REALLY? 3 miles. Ugh. Barely worth getting geared up to only run 3! BUT I remembered how I felt the night before as I saw the reflection of the setting sun down Bear Hill road  so on Tuesday I set out for Bear Hill on my measely lil 3 mile run. I did contemplate not running at all and tried to find a good excuse (including this darn head cold that I am refusing to let get the best of me) but there are not any "good" excuses for missing a workout.

A couple pics from last Monday:



View from back country road in Deering

Tuesday: So I set out for Bear Hill, its a great road because in addition to the farms and hill it parallels the river. I had my phone with me anticipating great pictures along the way. I was disappointed because it didn't look like there was going to be a good sunset. Boy was I wrong. As I headed up bear hill I took some pics of my favorite cows and made my way up. I hadn't planned on running all the way up since I *only* had to do 3 miles but I saw the sun. It was orange and pink and the reflection on the colorful trees was beautiful so I just had to make my way up to the top for a better view. I could see the brilliant colors of red, orange and pink shining brightly from behind the trees. I rounded the top and started back down to find one of the most amazing sunsets I had ever seen. This past week there were so many beautiful sunsets! I soaked it up as much as I could because winter is coming and I know there will be some cloudy days ahead. I know to never second guess going for a run- You never know what adventures you will find until you get out there and explore.

Some pics from sunsets this past week:

 

Bear Hill

 

 

             

Know what you want to do, hold the thought firmly, and do every day what should be done, and every sunset will see you that much nearer to your goal. ~Elbert Hubbard

 

 

 

 

Wednesday on a trail run

 

 

 

There is no beginning or end to your dreams or plans. Life is a journey from moment to moment.

Live each moment to its fullest
~ Garth Catterall-Heart

 

 

Saturday sunset in the White Mountains



 

 

At the end of the day there are no excuses, no explanations, and no regrets.

~Steve Maraboli

 

 

 

Runnerversary!

Three years ago I was handed a brochure and was given the challenge to run my first 5k. Keep in mind I was not a runner at the time. I rode my bike and played little rugby. I hadn't really given running any thought since college and high school. Back then I was a sprinter so running 3 miles seemed like a distance run to me. I didn't even know if I could do it. September 30th, 2010 I went out for a couple laps around the block, approximately 3miles. I was a little sore the next day but nothing major. I accepted the 5k challenge and showed up at the Hopkinton Lions Club annual 5k in Hopkinton NH ready to race. When it came time to run I just ran, no clue what I was doing. My shoe came untied and I tried to ignore it but eventually stopped to tie it. It was a small race, 51 people. I came in at number 27 but was 2nd in my age group. Voila...my first TROPHY. Whoa, you get trophies for running I said...game on..I am in. Time flies when your having fun! Three years later and I am running strong. Stronger than ever-physically, mentally, and spiritually. NO REGRETS!

Reach the Beach-my first 24 hour running relay

This past weekend I was fortunate to be able to join the acidotic RACING Reach the Beach Relay team. We started out on a rainy Saturday morning at Cannon Mountain in Franconia NH.  The rain was pouring as my friend and team mate Scott lined up at the start. It soon began to rain harder and he was off and running leading the pack and representing aR. This was my first experience running RTB, I had an idea of how it worked but the logistics were a bit of a mystery as we began our adventure. I didn't really know anyone that I was going to spend the next 24+ hours with except for Scott. Good thing we had 3 RTB veterans in Van #1 as we set out to support our first runner and meet him at the next transition. By the time Scott reached transition #2 he had created a very strong lead and finished his leg less than a mile behind the runners of the group that started 20 minutes before us. He handed off to Bob who ended up passing a number of runners ("Roadkill") on his leg. In the meantime I was waiting at transition #3 as the GI issues kicked in and I found myself vising the porta "Dave" several times. This is typical for me in any event that I participate in. Bob handed off to Austin with aR having a very strong start in the 2013 RTB, the bar was set high and I was next. My GI issues were under control as I waited at Transition #4 and I was excited to be able to run through anther one of my "happy places"-Crawford Notch. We transitioned at the AFC hut and I was to sprint just a little under 3 miles DOWN the notch to the Wiley house. About 50ft in I looked down at my watch...crap...no watch. I passed one person and was onto the next, she was fast and I ended up chasing her down the whole run. We passed one more runner and before I knew it the Wiley house was in site. Despite it being all down hill, this was a tough run, fast an furious. I handed off to the other Scott and chased down the runner who I had been chasing to see if she had recorded the time. Wouldn't you know it she had watch issues but one of her team mates clocked her at 17:40. Sweet. I finished my 2.9 miles under 18 minutes. I was pretty happy about that!

After a couple pics we packed up and were off to support Scott on his run then hurried off to the transition point where he and Fab would hand off. Unfortunately I didn't make it out of the van either times to get a picture for them. I am committed to speed up my run recovery/changing of the clothes so that I can get out for all the transitions next year. Scott made great time and handed off to Fab who was on a 9 mile run! She rocked her run as well and after a quick stop to give her some water we were off to the next transition at Attitash ski area. This is where Van #1 will be handing off to runner #7, the first runner of Van #2.  Jay was ready and waiting and Fab came in strong, Jay was off and running and Van #1 was off to dinner at Moat Mountain Brewery-I love this place. It was hard not to order a beer and it even harder staying focused and gluten free/LowFODMAP but I did. While waiting for dinner my stomach started to go into motion and I became worried, all I could think was "Oh, no. Not now." I had been sticking to my low FODMAP/Gluten-free diet and prepared accordingly with all safe foods. I don't know why it was starting. I finished dinner, bun-less cheeseburger with lettuce and tomato and good French fries...not too greasy. I thought about a salad but sometimes salads trigger more grumbling and I need something hardy that would stay with me. We finished dinner and headed to the Tamworth where we would wait for the last runner in Van #2 (Nic) to hand off to Van #1 (Scott). We had some time at the transition area so I was able to get some coffee and do some stretching. After a slightly confusing handoff (it was now dark) Van #1 was off and running again. I wasn't up for another 15 miles but I was nervous because my GI issues were making their presences known. Nothing was happening yet, but they were knocking on my door if you know what I mean ;-) I was given some advice about my leg and all the vets were talking it up-hills. It started out on one big hill...then I was to expect another one down the road. I was nursing my GI, took in some of my natural energy (baby food) stuffed the pouch into my hand held water bottle pocket and made my way to the transition. I was having issues getting my shoes tightened and feeling the way I wanted it to. I am super picky about my foot comfort. I tied and retied my shoes and as I was tying the right one again for the 3rd time I hear-he is coming. Crap. I quickly threw in a 3rd knot and was off. Crap...start the watch. Fiddled with my watch as I headed up the hill. BRING IT ON! I felt strong as I made it up the hill. It was dark and I love running at night. I could see a couple blinking runners ahead and set my targets. It was a long hill but I didn't mid. I was loving it. Loving it until I got passed. Two men passed me at the same time. No biggie. I had my targets and that would pull me up the hill, that and the support of my team mates driving by and the party that happens every year about 700 ft from the top. We head right on a gradual down hill and I turned it up passing more and more blinking lights. We headed left and that was where I hit the second hill. Still feeling strong, still passing. What the heck was going on with me? I was running strong, passing peeps and pacing under 8 minutes, closer to 7 minute miles. Other than feeling like my right shoe was coming untied (even though it was triple knotted) I was feeling good. Another down hill then some more smaller down and ups. Wow. So much fun. As I was getting closer to the transition as I ran past a bank-1:30 a.m. Whoa, I was running super strong and having a great time and it was 1:30 in the morning! I had totally forgotten what time it was until then. As I was nearing the end of my leg I was focused on road kill #18. I never got her but I ran close to a 7 minute per mile pace in the last half mile. Not bad for 1:45 in the morning! ;-) I handed off to Scott and joined the team. Ah yeah. I was high. I couldn't shake the smile from my face. My team mates were smiling and laughing..."You have a runner's high, don't you?" Yep. I have experienced it after a training run and after some races but never as strong as this. I couldn't and didn't want to shake it. Nothing like it! I have never been "high" off of drugs and don't need to be-this is good enough for me!

After about 20 minutes I started to come down and quickly fell into a GI nightmare. Nausea and the urge to "go" set in. Nothing was really happening but I felt like crap. We finished our portion and I was still feeling ill. It lasted on and off all night and once we got settled at Bear Brook (the start of our 3rd leg and the handoff from van #2) I snuggled into my cozy back seat of the van where I layed awake in awkward pain and then managed about 3 hours of sleep. I got up in the morning and headed past the tent city and made it to the "Dave". The place was much busier and the lines were a lot longer than they were when we arrived. I was worried. I couldn't shake this feeling and I hoped I made it in time. I made several more visits, waited in long lines, and camped out for minutes on end in the nasty porta Daves. I was feeling dehydrated and tried eating but was afraid that I wasn't able to keep up with my nutrients and electrolytes etc. My team mate Fab helped me form a plan to get me going again. She informed me that the sorbitol in my Nuun is often used in the health care field to get people to "go" so I was to stop drinking that immediately (I had been drinking more water and had only taken in about 10oz of nuun up till that point).  I have used Nuun many times, and the amount of sorbitol wasnt high enough to have caused this issue, and have never had any side effects from drinking it before but it wasn't going to help me get over the issues I was having. I have been trying to stay gel free for the past year but after reading ingredients of the different electrolyte and recovery items we collectively had in the van it was determined that I would eat a cliff shot block and mix up some of my cliff raspberry gel with some water. The maltodextrin would provide some fast absorption. I slowly came back to life and was starting to be able to eat some more real food without feeling nauseous. Thanks to Fab I was feeling okay by the time the transition was made to van #1. We were off again. There was about 14 miles of fast running before my transition. We stopped to support Nic and I got out to try to go for a warm-up run. Oye...my muscles were tight. No amount of running stick rolling and stretching was going to work this out. I expected that it would take at least a mile to work it out. We got to the transition spot and after another visit to the porta Dave, a quick warm-up, I decided I needed a lil more water in my bottle (it was getting hot). I jogged back to the transition area and I heard "Sarah, Sarah" Was that for me? yep, I missed Austin. I was being cheered on by strangers who now new my name as I headed out on my run. I was running strong but slow and felt okay. There were a few hills on the route and this run ended up being a little slower but I was able to gain some ground with about 11 road kills. I was passed by four men, I was "woofed" at by one of them (so strange) but overall I felt okay about the run. I managed to run all three races (around 15 miles) under an 8 minute mile pace. My GI issues were under control for now and we had 2 runners to go before we hit the beach. Both Scott and Fab had strong races and Fab walked off her run with the same runners high I had earlier in the morning. Perma-grin from ear to ear. She just set a 5k PR for herself. After Fabs run we made our way to the beach where we waited for Nic.  We enjoyed a few beers, had lunch, and made our way to the beach. Van #2 could not get into the main parking lot and were worried they were not going to make it back to cross the finish line with Nic. We soon spotted Nic in his hot pink fish nets and wig supporting the aR buff. Around the same time we saw the rest of our team running to get to the finish. The whole team was able to come together and join Nic crossing the finish line. Bling was accepted, team pics were taken and RTB 2013 was in the books. What a great experience. Its funny how in a little over 24 hours, team mates that didn't know each other were no longer strangers. Much laughter was shared, many memories were made. As a runner, I know I became stronger from this experience. I pushed myself harder than I thought I would and found out what my body can do. I told my body to do it and it didn't let me down.  I took away a little something from my team mates-running advice, health advice, words of wisdom, and a lot of positive energy. #RTBacidotic





When weakness strikes, find some hills.

Today I was feeling a little bogged down mentally and physically. I thought that this was strange since yesterday I was on a big high after my 13+ mile mountain/trail run. Tonight during my pre-run strength training workout I was so frustrated by my physical and mental weaknesses that I broke down crying. It took me a few minutes to snap out of it but of course I did and life went on. I changed into my running shorts and set out for a short recovery run (my legs were feeling a little like lead after yesterdays run). I set off on a slow pace. After dropping off the rent at my landlords I headed out on my typical "easy" run around town. About 1.5 miles in I hit Bridge St hill. This hill used to be a challenging hill for me. Its not a very long hill (but it used to be) and in the grand scheme of things its not all that steep of a hill (however, my mind has been warped by mountain running) but it was there and I threw out a challenge to myself. Do some hill repeats. Okay. How many? 2 or 3. Okay. After the first push up I felt okay. I looped around the bushes on the sidewalk and headed back down the hill and across the bridge for my cool down. Okay, this time push yourself a little faster. Got it. I picked up the pace across the bridge and hit the hill almost at a sprint. Nice. Next time-so I guess I am going to do 3...yes...3. Like I was saying, next time sprint that damn thing. Feel your lungs burn. Hmmm. Okay. (By this time a heavy set man decided to take his drink onto his porch and watch me beat myself up on the hill.) I picked up the pace and was almost at a full sprint as I headed up. Not good enough. Four times?! Yes. Four. Okay. The fourth time was glorious and I felt amazing afterwards. I have a hard time pushing myself, especially as hard I pushed that last time up. I didn't care who was watching or what anyone thought. I was feeling strong. I needed that hill to remind me that I am strong. I finished my short but sweet run with a smile on my face feeling 110% stronger than I did when I set out that door. Negative thoughts be gone, you do not make me strong.

 

 

No Excuses

I need this...I need a reminder why I need to STOP making excuses. Its been a rough few weeks and I was determined to get my head on straight this week and to get on track with my training. Its been tough. I started back to work full time, started this Low FODMAP "diet", and just when I think I am getting a handle on the GI issues its one step forward and two steps back. Bottom line is that I have to have a job so that is not changing and apparently these GI issues aren't disappearing any time soon so I need to figure it out. I need to stop making excuses and start finding a way to make it happen! If I want to become a stronger runner I need to DO WORK.  #noregrets

Thank you!

 

 

I cant get over how much running has enriched my life. Not only am I feeling fit and healthy, I have made some great friends and met some pretty amazing peeps. In the past 6-12 months I have branched out, stepped out of my comfort zone, and have made new acquaintances and friendships.  I joined a team this past May and now I am almost never alone at events. I am starting to do more training runs with other people, inspirational people. I don't know if they even realize how much I am inspired by them. I complain, I listen, I make excuses but when all is said in done I REALLY am listening and I take what they say to heart. I am an analyzer so when the run is over and I am on my way home or vegging out at night I replay conversations. I try to figure out what advice will work for me and I start to make plans. I am not kiddn' just about every time I run with or hang out with someone from the running community, I take something away from the experience. I feel as though I am the person I am today because I have found something positive to take away from every relationship and friendship I have had. So...Thank you to my friends (new and old), running friends and otherwise. Thank you for being a part of my journey!

Some random and not so random thoughts about being strong, feeling weak, and letting go...

“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” ~Buddha

 

I have been trying for years to be the "go with the flow" carefree woman that I have been fooling myself that I am. I am almost there. I try to live by the "everything happens for a reason" attitude and for the most part I do. I mean how else can I justify the fact that I am 40, still single, and have no children? I try to remain strong even when obstacles are thrown in my path. Okay, well maybe that is not totally true. On the OUTSIDE I am hurdling those obstacles on the inside I am tripping and falling.

I am pretty hard on my self. I am competitive and I am my toughest competitor. I want to be the best. Well, you know what I mean...the best that I can be yet better than other people. I like to win and am starting to be okay with losing, as long as I tried my best. Baby steps. 

I am a "people pleaser". I have known this for awhile. I dont like people mad at me and I want people to like me. I take things to heart and over analyze relationships and interactions. Hmmm...that Buddha is on to something. I need to make some changes. 

I was told a long time ago that I have this "hero" complex- I  feel the need to take care of everyone, need to be the best, failure is not an option. Yeah, I need to change. I want to change. 

I am strong. At least that is what I want everyone to think. Isnt that what my facebook, twitter, and blog promote..."seeking physical, mental, and spiritual strength"?

I have a confession: Inside, I feel weak. Not always but often enough. I also feel guilty about feeling weak because I AM STRONG darn it! How can I be strong and weak at the same time!

I am starting to recognize that I might be a stronger person if I allow myself to feel weak every now and then, give up some control.  Knowing when to let go and being able to truly believe in your heart that it wasnt meant to be-That takes a lot of strength! 

Ways that I have been trying to let go...

1) I followed through with my plan to take the Bear Brook Marathon slow. Slow and steady so I wouldnt injure myself. It was slow. 12:12 slow. I am okay with that, sort of. I finished strong injury free! (I do wonder what I could have done if I wouldnt have held back but NO REGRETS)

Courtesy of SNAPacidotic

2) I had a tentative itinerary for my second trip to the White Mountains (see my other blog for the details of the first trip, second trip details are on their way). The weather was less than spectacular as I headed up the Ammonoosuc Ravine trail to conquer my first mountian of the trip-Monroe. It was foggy. I thought about skipping the hike that day and doing a different hike but I REALLY wanted to hike more of the presidential range ASAP. So I went against my better judgement and banked on the fact it was supposed to clear up. It didnt. It was so foggy at the base of Monroe I couldnt see my hand in front of my face. It was so windy I thought I was going to be blown over. I turned around  worked out Plan B for the day as I hiked back down the mountain. I was okay with not dying on the mountain that day and I had a great hike that afternoon.

3) Later that same week I had planned to head down to Northwood and run the second to last Harmony Hill race. I was going to place in the series if I made it to the race so I figured I might as well change campgrounds and head down. I loaded my car and was ready to hit the road and...my car wouldnt start. Dead battery. Change of plans. Got a new battery and decided NOT to waste the day driving. I let go of my opportunity to earn bling in the series and had an amazing day with two great hikes. Sounds silly but this was hard for me.  Everything happens for a reason.

4) Final Harmony Hill race. I was feeling great until I couldnt run anymore. Stomach cramps and the urge to vomit wast too strong. I walked half of the race and I still managed to enjoy the cookout afterward. Again, not easy for me. In the past I would have been frustrated and upset. Not that night.

5)Training run- I challenged myself to run as far as I could at a nice steady pace for 3 hours. Speed didnt matter, distance didnt matter. I did it and felt good about it. I was kinda proud of myself. It was tough for me to hold back.

And the bigger stuff...

Its not really a secret that I have been dealing with some GI issues since March. I have lost 12 lbs without trying. I have been in pain. Not excruciating pain. Just annoying I gotta go to the bathroom type of pain (I will spare you the details). I was given a generic diagnosis that I refused to accept. I wasnt going to "let it go". I dont want to be weak. I dont want to have this annoying somewhat debilitating issue. Not an option. Well, suck it up buttercup. I am now on this crazy diet to rule out what might be giving me issues-gluten free, lactose free, artificial sweetener free, chocolate free, date, coconut, and avacado free diet. There's more but those are the biggies that I have been having a hard time letting go. I know in the grand scheme of things it could be worse but this has been a very emotional process. Its getting better. I am letting go of the things that I "cant" have and trying to make the best of what I can have. After all, its only 6 weeks and there are people out there who have to eat this way all of the time.

In my protest of the diagnosis, I was grasping for other answers to my problem. I pleaded to my primary physician, my GI doc, and to the dietician. Finally someone listened and a discovery was made. I now have some decisions to make. Decisions I wish I didnt have to make but at least I have some some answers AND options. There are people out there that don't have options, I am grateful that I do.  I am seeking professional consult to help me make the right choice. I am nervous. I might need to decide what is not meant for me... I cant help but wonder if I can do that gracefully, if I can know in my heart everything happens for a reason, if I can let go of the dream I once had. BUT...I have some time to research and decide so for now I am going to focus on this stupid diet.

I need and want to make changes. I want to be strong enough to allow myself to feel weak without guilt. I want to truly believe and feel that its okay to let go.

“Growth begins when we start to accept our own weakness”

~Jean Vanier

#lettinggo #noregrets @runstronginnh

The journey to becoming a Mountain Goat...USATF NE Mountain series

Running has challenged me changed me! Never would I have imagined almost 3 years ago when I signed up for my first 5k that I would be running mountains for fun! (Keep in mind I was not a "runner" at the time I signed up for my first race, I did it b/c someone challenged me to.) My love-hate relationship with mountain running started when I decided to do the Winter Wild Series this past winter. (I first heard of Winter Wild after completing the Western NH Trail series last year.) I have grown fond of series and who doesn't like a little challenge? The "perk" for running the USATF NE Mountain series is that everyone who runs the whole series gets to bypass the lottery for the Mt. Washington Auto Road race in 2014. *side note- for some strange reason, a couple races into the Winter Wild series, I decided to enter the lottery for the Mt. Washington race but unfortunately/fortunately for me I didn't make the lottery for 2013.


J and I when we were still friends, just before the sprint to the finish!

The series started at Sleepy Hollow Mountain Race. I had no idea what to expect. I headed up to VT, drove way out in the middle of no where (Huntington VT) to the Sleepy Hollow Inn Ski and Bike Center. For $15 I was able to camp onsite. I was joining about 10-15 other tent campers and the Inn that was booked with runners as well. I fell asleep listening to the sounds of the night-owls, howling animals, peepers etc. Woke up early, broke down camp, had some PBJ sandwhich and my favorite PB chocochip Lara bar. I wanted/needed coffee but that wasn't happening. As the other racers were driving in I was getting nervous. This was my first mountain race and my first race where I was RACINGacidotic. I had finally joined the team that week and was meeting Chris to get my race shirt and buff. I proudly changed into my aR gear and headed for the start line. Yikes! I quickly found that I was able to make up time on the down hills and sucked wind on the uphills! In the end my downhill speed paid off and I did finish ahead of some of the runners I had been playing cat and mouse with. I noticed many aR racers on the course and made a friend who almost unfriended me as quickly as we became friends because I forgot to tell him I was going to sprint to the finish. It did make for an interesting finish and was a good ice breaker for me and my new aR team mates. I think I finished 3rd in my age group that race and of course I was excited to earn some bling (lemon bread) for my first mountain race. 


I was happy I threw my gloves in my car at the last minute...brr

Next up was Wachusett Mountain race. This race was all up hill to start as we ran up the auto road. It was a chilly/dreary morning and again I had no idea what I was getting myself into. I had a strong finish since it was all down hill but didn't earn any age group bling (place 4th for my age group)but I did stick around to get a raffle prize (subscription to NE Runner magazine).

 

The finish of the Fell race

Wachusett was followed by Bretton Woods Fell race which was probably my best race in the series. What a difference a week makes. It was the hottest race of the series with temps in the 90's! We ran up and down the mountains at Bretton Woods ski resort 3 times. There was a safe marked course but you could also make your own course. I chose the safe route with 1 minor change that made a huge difference. I was actually thanked by a fellow runner for consulting with him and choosing that route. As I was heading UP one last time I was fortunate to see the legendary moose that ran across the course. He was just behind me and seconds before he darted out of the woods I could hear him tramping around in the woods, I just thought it was some rogue runners-nope, Bullwinkle wanted to play!

 

Then there was Ascutney Mountain Run...ugh. All uphill on the road. My worst race but none the less it brought me closer to my coveted Mountain Goat Status. I was still in 3rd place overall at that point but I new I couldn't hold onto that for long.

<--Thank goodness the camera was there or I would have continued to hike up that darn road.

 

Hmmm...what was next? Ah yes, LOON mountain race.  I had heard all the hype about Loon and this legendary "Upper Walking Boss"...I had no clue!  This race was definitely the most challenging for me-physically and mentally. I seriously considered quitting the sport as I was running this race. I had the same ole thoughts I normally do "what the heck was I thinking", "I am outta my league" etc. BUT I had never wanted to throw in the towel as much as I did during this race. Talk about a love-hate relationship! This race finished on an uphill. I pushed as hard as I could to cross the finish line. I didn't look around me when I finished and bee lined for my belongings and found the first quiet place I could, sat down and let the tears flow! I was a wreck! Finally I told myself to "suck it up buttercup" (not to mention, I was no longer alone in my quiet place) so I headed to the bathroom changed my clothes and tried real hard to change my attitude! It worked, no one was the wiser. I joined some team mates and we commiserated about the race. Most common theme-hated it but cant wait to do it again next year! Bring it Loon Mountain 2014!
One more race to go after Loon-Cranmore Hill Climb! Cranmore was a multi-purpose race. Not only did it serve as the last race in the series when we would achieve Mountain Goat status, it served as the USA Mountain Running National Championship as well as the NACAC (North American, Caribbean, Central American) Mountain Championships.  It was an amazing atmosphere at the race, being around the elite mountain racing athletes was pretty sweet. It was a tough course but Loon was tougher. This course was two loops with the start at the top of the mountain. The course mimicked the World Championship course in Poland since this race is where the USA team members will earn their spots on the team for the championship race. I started fairly strong on the downhill-go figure. I didn't push it too much though because I knew the uphill would be tough. I ran portions of the first uphill push but I did do some walking...the second loop a lot more walking. My legs were so confused by the fast downhill and the uphill finish! Finishing the final uphill push I could hear the men lining up and cheering on the runners ahead of me...no walking now! I needed to climb that last little bit, no walking in front of the boys. As I entered the starting area I got chills the crowd of men split to let me through and I could hear my team members and 100+ other runners cheering me on. Keep running, Keep running, keep pushing yourself, final "sprint"...UP. I crossed the finish line much faster than I would have without the men cheering behind me, plus my goal was to finish before the men started. I did reach my goal, less than 5 minutes before the men's start. I finished just under an hour at 58 minutes. What a rush! I ended up finishing 5th in the series for woman, and 3rd in my age group. Damn the women get faster as they get older! ha ha

Reality soon set in- I AM A MOUNTAN GOAT! I have to run Mount Washington next year! June 2014! I am looking forward to the mountain series next year. I am not sure I will do all of the races but Bretton Woods, Loon, and Canmore will definitely be on my "To Do" list! #RunStrong #NoRegrets
+USATF New England  @acidoticRACING   @runstronginnh
*All racing photos courtesy of Gianina Lindsey SNAPacidotic


acidotic RACING won two team awards and I am proud to have been a part of the Masters (1st place )and Open (second place) teams!