Challenge accepted!

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed. I finally got 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I don't remember when that has happened for me. I have been working late hours, traveling, and feeling a little under the weather so its been a rough few weeks. But today. Today I woke up with new ambition...its a new day, new week,  and a new opportunity to try again. 

I don't hide the fact that I AM A SLACKER. I have a really hard time motivating myself! I will take on any outdoor challenge, I will push myself to run tough races but training...that's another story. My big goal this year is to #trainsmarter. Yeah, that hasn't been working out very well for me. One excuse after another (some legit but still an excuse) and I am not much farther than where I was when I made that goal. I really cant afford a personal trainer and while I belong to a gym (Planet Fitness) it is a 30 minute drive. AND (see, more excuses) the gym itself is an older, smaller, smellier version of PF. I keep the membership just so that I can have options when I am out and about and traveling. Anyhow, I digress. Part of my training needs to focus on my problem areas-My ITB issues and piriformis pain. I have strength exercises I need from my kick-ass physical therapist Amber Ferreira but I just need to do them. The other area I need to focus on is my back/shoulder strength. This is ever so evident in my race photos, here is the latest ugly truth:

photo courtesy of Gianina Lindsey @SNAPacidiotic

Now you might look at that pic and think I am being overly critical but I know my problem areas. Shoulders/Back are my focus right now, mainly because my shoulders are always tight and today extremely tight and sore, you could bounce a quarter off them today. I do need a couple of things 1. a good massage 2. a visit to my chiropractor. What I also need to do is work on strengthening these problem areas so I dont have to worry about spending the cash to repair the damage. I was given some good soup can lifting shoulder and back exercises, I have some exercises/stretches given to me from my physical therapist, and last night I sat down and researched a few more. On my agenda today was to "create a workout schedule". Other areas of focus are 1.my butt and upper legs (baby got back) 2. my abs/belly (surgery really did a number on that region). This morning I was briefly flipping through my twitter and saw a post by Amanda at Run to the Finish. Something about last day for Bootie Buster Challenge 2014. I have read about her holiday challenges but this one is great timing for me. This is her second year doing a spring challenge and I said to myself "game on" (and it got me out of trying to throw together more workout routines I can do at home). Because I signed up late the registration was $25...$25 dollars for fitness advice and people to hold me accountable. I will take it. It feels a little lazy to me but I need more time in my life. I am still going to map out my shoulder/back work outs as well as strengthening my leg lower body issues, I am hoping this little challenge keeps me on track since you get points for the time you spend being active. If you need a quick spring boost, check it out and sign up today or its going to be too late! Happy Training! No Regrets!!!

The evolution of my bling collection

Bling. This girl doesnt need sparkly diamonds. 

I dont run for the bling but it is a bonus-it symbolizes determination and hard work. 

 

I won the trophy at my first race...2nd in my age group, Hopkinton Lions 5K, Oct 2010

My "bling" collection as of March 2011

That is where it started and this is where it went...

My bling collection as of January 2012

2012, a little more bling after the Cinco de Mayo 5k

Fall 2012, notice the box full of kindling

From the box of kindling I won at Frenzy in the Forest Summer 2012, 1st in age group

That box of kindling now

Beautiful...I love it!!!

The extras

Room to grow

Call me selfish, but I run for me!

First or last place, you are a bad ass. It doesn't matter if you only run a mile or if you run 200 miles. If it makes you happy than keep running and BE PROUD!

 ~Kristina Folcik-Dangergirl

 

Ragged Mountain 1st AG, Pats Peak 3rd AG

Today I participated in two races. One started at 7am, the other at 6pm. The Winter Wild series takes crazy runners, snow boarders, and skiers up and down ski mountains all the while YOU are sleeping (before the ski areas open). I completed the Winter Wild series last winter. I finished 2nd in my age group for the series last year. This year I was unable to do the whole series due to my surgery recovery. This year I am racing to build back some strength. I had no expectations for placing in these races yet I am 2 for 2 for ending up placing in the top 3 of my age group. Darn it. You see, I am my toughest competition. I race/run for me. I give myself challenges. I am fairly successful within my age group and often end up on the podium for my age group. No one expects me to do this but me. I try to give myself a break but its hard. I don't want to let myself down.  Today, after my first race I started getting mentally prepared for my second race-snow shoes. I participated in my first snow shoe race last Sunday and lets just say I wasn't all that impressed. I sucked wind, walked within the first mile, 

Moose Mountain Snow Shoe Race

and I felt like I spent the entire time in an anaerobic state. I managed a first place win for my age group, but it was a small race. Today at 6pm I challenged myself to give snow shoe racing another try. The race was put on by the team I race with acidotic RACING and it was a night race...no brainer, I was going to give it a try. (I ran a trail race on almost the same course this summer and placed second over all for the women) While it sounded like a good idea at the time I was trying to be okay with just running. Go out there and run...have fun. That is not easy for me to do. The "You NEED to place" side of me usually takes over. I saw the above status on my friend Kristina's facebook page. It was perfect timing. I really needed to read that at that moment. 

Tonight I raced at Kingman but I did it differently than I normally do. I took my time getting to the start. I was near the end of the pack, probably within the last 10-12 people. The horn went off and I didn't move. Eventually I got to the start, turned on my Nike+ sport watch and ran. I was smiling. I eventually started passing people but only to maintain my pace. NOT to "win". I had so much fun this race and I beat my desired time which was good enough for me! Yes, I post about running and my races on my personal facebook page however I dont do this to brag or boast. I don't do this for the kudos and recognition. I do it because I am proud of my accomplishments and my failures. I know not everyone understands and you dont have to. Like I said, my running is for me, my racing is for me. 

Back in control... I want my body back!

The past year was a little challenging for me. Initially I was quiet about my issues, I slowly opened up to my closest friends and then after about 4 months I let it all out, opening up to anyone that would listen. Most people were surprised because on the outside you would never know anything was wrong. I had a great race season and was able to spend some quality time in the mountains and on the trails

*Kingman Farm trail race, August 2013

I think I started talking as a way of working through what I was feeling.  I felt as though what was happening to me was unfair. It was out of my control and I didn’t like it. It all started in late March a couple months before I was in full racing mode.  By July I had lost 12ish lbs and at my lightest weight the numbers 1-2-8 showed up on the scale. Part of me was excited to see numbers that I hadn’t seen since  high school but overall I was not feeling great about the weight loss. I was told by close friends and family that I was *too skinny* I don’t think I was too skinny. It was just not the side of Sarah they had seen before, or not the side they had seen in almost 20 years. Honestly, I didn’t like it mainly because I wasn’t eating much because I didn’t know how my body was going to respond to what I was eating. The first seconds I saw that number I was like “oh yeah, holy crap!” Ten seconds later I was saying to myself “damn girl, you need to eat!” I have said it before, I am a recovering control freak. I have been trying hard not to over focus on the things that I cannot control. I really wanted to be in control of my GI issues and in July I started making changes to my diet. By the fall I had gained about 5-7 lbs back and was feeling very comfortable at 133-135. I worked hard to get to that point, I was the fittest I had ever been and I was running well. The time spent on the trails and running in the mountains paid off!  I pretty much could sustain at 135 without having to focus on my diet. Cool. I was healthy and I felt great, minus the GI issues.

By the end of October I learned that the diet changes weren’t enough. Not enough had changed for me to figure out what was going on. My life was consumed by my GI issues.  All my conversations and thoughts had been taken over by wondering how my body was going to react to what I was eating. I figured out a few things that made it better and was able to keep weight on but I felt like what was going on with my body was out of my control and it was making me crazy. Pretty sure there was some depression hidden in there as well.  I made the decision to have surgery to remove “baby fibroid” that was sitting in the back of my uterus, growing comfortably. There was a small chance that removing that thing was going to alleviate some of my GI issues so you bet ya, I went for it.   I had planned on losing some fitness and probably a little weight gain. Pretty sure I was going to see that dreaded 1-4-0 again (a number I proudly hadn’t seen in over a year) but knew it would only be temporary.  Mentally preparing for surgery was pretty easy for me. I ran a PR half marathon a couple weeks before the surgery and did what I wanted to do before I was laid up for 6 weeks.

Surgery and post-op went way better than I had planned. I felt great. I wasn’t pushing myself too much, I had a great partner, and a faithful watchdog keeping an eye on me.

After a couple of weeks my lower back and body was feeling crippled. I was slowly able to sit up right and was able to cough with minimal pain. After 2 ½ weeks I decided I wanted to start going to the gym. Just to get my body moving. I stretched a little and sat on the reclining bike that I had set at level one. I couldn’t have set it at a harder level if I wanted to, it made me laugh to have it set at such an easy pace but it felt good to move my body parts! Since I couldn’t drive myself, I was never at the gym unsupervised! I did go for a short run/shuffle shortly after that. I needed it. The doc told me I could return to physical activity slowly, rule of thumb- if it hurts, don’t do it. I followed his orders and made it a slow 1.5 miles. 

My first post surgery run

I did run a 5k on New Years day about 3.5 weeks after surgery. I was careful and it felt good. So I did it.  I was excited to be able to fit in my running clothes! One week later, that all changed. Happy New Year! At week 4 I was able to return to work part time. I started to notice that the clothes that I wore 1 to 2 weeks earlier were fitting a little tighter. It was still uncomfortable to wear pants but tight yoga pants weren’t going to be acceptable professional wear at my meetings  that week. Feeling slightly anxious about the fit of my clothes, I blew it off knowing that I was beginning to increase my activity and the weight wouldn’t stay on for long. One week later that attitude changed. Devastation took over. Imagine waking up one morning to find out that you are 10 lbs heavier than you were the day before. Yep. That pretty much happened to me. I was working part time so once I was done that first week I was in my comfy clothes until the next week. When I got dressed for work-ugh. I went though almost all the pants I owned trying to find a pair that fit. What that heck! At one point, I weighed 147!  How was this happening? To top it all off I decided to put my increase in activity on hold. Too many people were expressing concern about my return to exercise with talk about internal bleeding etc. I was still active but not as active as I hoped to be. I have to say that it is very frustrating to hear things like: “oh geesh, you gained weight, you could afford a few pounds”  or when people snicker  and roll their eyes like I am over re-acting.  REALLY!? How do you not understand that I have regressed almost 2 years? That’s many miles spent running, that’s a lot of blood , sweat, and tears. I know I could afford to gain a couple pounds but I have NO clothes that fit and I am feeling uncomfortable in my own skin again. I am feeling the same feelings at 145 that I felt at 195. Very depressing.  I know I associated my surgery with a c-section and giving birth to a fibroid but I wasn’t pregnant, I didn’t have any time to prepare my body or my wardrobe for this kind of weight gain. I had hoped it was hormonal but nope. The surgeon shot that down. Really? I went up a whole bra size! I am stuck wearing bras that I haven’t worn in two years (yes, I at least had some bras around). My body felt like it was preparing for pregnancy, breast pain, bloating, widened hips. But its not hormonal. Whatever. I have one pair of running tights I can fit into. They were my first pair that I bought 3 years ago. Before surgery they were falling off me. Now-they are a pretty good fit.  Out of control. Not acceptable.

Paleo porridge

Surgery didn't really help with my GI issues. It removed a constant pain I had in my abdomen but overall, my symptoms still existed. I found out (after having a colonoscopy and a biopsy) that I don’t have anything diagnosably (<--I think I made up that word) wrong with me, the focus is back to diet again. I don’t mean the losing weight kind of diet, I am referring to the overall diet, trying to figure out what it is that I am eating that could be triggering my issues. Previously I had focused on elimination and a LowFODMAP diet. Recently I did a little more research and chatting with friends about gut health and the Paleo lifestyle. I shot the idea of  it down in the past. It involves a lot of food prep and cooking. My kitchen is tiny and lets face it “ain’t nobody got time for that”. I found some good information online through a couple of different blogs. I found some tips for getting started, cleared my cupboards, and went grocery shopping. I am nearing the end of week one and for the most part was pretty successful with the first phase of my transition. I was already part of the way there with my gluten-free lifestyle but grain free, that’s tough. Surprisingly the grain wasn’t the hardest part.  Finding time to cook breakfast was the most challenging and I quickly got sick of eggs. Through a little more research and a little more shopping I was able to throw together some banana pancakes yesterday  morning and today I made some paleo porridge-so good. Last night I cooked up some spaghetti squash and I did some other food prep, today I will be throwing some “spaghetti” in the oven. In an attempt to make room in my kitchen, I removed the toaster. No grains=no toast I will be donating it to the local recycling center swap shop.

As I stood in my kitchen food prepping last night, I felt pretty good about myself. I found some renewed energy and feel as though I am taking back some control that I had lost.  It feels pretty darn good. 

I am a big fan of change. I need this change in my life. Taking control over my diet, trying to feel better, putting mind over matter has helped me in all areas. I want to train harder. I want to stop making excuses. I owe it to myself to have #noregrets. 

What is left of the flowers given to me by one of my students when I returned to work full time on January 22nd. Today I put the remaining flowers in a small vase that reads Live Well 

 The Paleo Mom's blog has been a huge help with my diet. I have saved some Paleo and gluten free recipes on my Pinterest page as well.

*Kingman Farm race photo courtesy of SNAPacidotic

One Word-Roar

About One Word 365:

Forget New Year’s Resolutions. Scrap that long list of goals

you won’t remember three weeks from now anyway.
Choose just one word.

One word that sums up who you want to be or how you want to live. One word that you can focus on every day, all year long....

It will take intentionality and commitment, but if you let it, your one word will shape not only your year, but also you. It will become the compass that directs your decisions and guides your steps.
 Discover the big impact one word can make.
 One word. 365 days. A changed life.

 

 

 

 

This year I want to be heard, be seen, be recognized. I am committed to training smarter, working harder, and stepping out of my comfort zone. I will do throw myself out there and be noticed.

I want to ROAR.

Fake it till you make it. Behind the scenes of my life-pre and post operation

First of all, I don't feel sorry for myself. Feeling sorry for myself means that I am not being accountable my actions. We, meaning humans, are responsible for the choices we make, the actions we take, and the people we surround ourselves with.  I didn't put that darn fibroid in my body an many illnesses and diseases are uncontrollable. What we do have control over is how we respond to the news of illness/disease and other life changing situations.
Secondly, what I am going through is not life threatening and I realize many people face much more extreme and life altering illnesses than what I am going through right now. With that said, I am tired and I often feel defeated.

I was excited when I found out that I had a fibroid in my uterus. Strange, I know, but it meant that there was some hope. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I was diagnosed with IBS...three different times now over the course 10+years, three different symptoms each time. Irritable Bowl Syndrome pretty much covers everything and to me seems to be what doctors diagnose you with when they dont know what the heck is really going on. Last March I started a long bout of what I call Bad Belly Syndrome (BBD). What this means is that I was have diarrhea, loose bowel, and just plain yucky feeling. I thought I was having a reaction to too many hard boiled Easter eggs but after I quit eating the eggs the BBD continued. I am a teacher and the last week of April was Spring Break. I seldom have plans over break and it was a good thing I didnt because I spent much of break on and off the toilet. The story of my life- If I am home for an extended period of time you can bet I spend a lot of time on the toilet. I finally went back to my GI doc in May or June and have been battling with her ever since. Dont get me wrong, I like her. She is very real and has frank discussions with me talking about "Shit". <--crude I know but that word is often used in our discussions, she has no

Shufflin' around the hospital

qualms about using "potty mouth" during my visit. Anyhow she and several other doctor like to say that what I am experiences is because I am training so much, I have stress in my life, I need to change my diet... Guess what? I dont train very hard. I do push my body (when I race) but most of my issues happen outside of my running. I don't get "runners trots" (well, there was this one time) and I dont often feel horrible when I am running like I do when I am rested. The problem lies in that when I am rested I have GI issues which makes me less motivated to get out and do things.
After talking to some friends and other people with similar symptoms I decided to explore the possibility that problems in my "girl parts" could be contributing to my GI issues. Did I think that was the answer to all of my problems-nope, but I had hope that maybe it could help explain some of what was going on. After much convincing I finally found a doctor to listen to me and guess what-big ole baby fibroid was discovered. In the mean time I had tried changing my diet, religiously followed a low-FODMAP diet for 6 weeks, and transitioned into gluten-free eating. Nothing changed except that I wasn't really experiencing diarrhea anymore but my bowel movement still weren't quite right! I still had some pains and just didn't feel great, most of the time. After several doctors appointments I finally scheduled surgery to have my Fibroid removed-December 11, 2013. Through this process, the reproductive specialists that I was working with had suggested I get a second opinion in regards to the IBS diagnosis. I will be getting second opinion. The earliest I could get into the IBS specialist is May! I am still working with my GI doc and as a matter of fact I will be seeing her next week, to talk about shit. My surgery couldn't get here soon enough. About a month before surgery new pains in my "pooping parts" had developed and my doctors said is was probably just hemorrhoids or fissures and didn't think anything of it. When I gave my plea as to why I didn't think that was the case my GI did her best to convince me otherwise. So I brushed it off but about two weeks before the surgery I was in bad pain, strange things were happening with my pooping parts and my bowel movements and I was tired of fighting the fight so I figured I would just have to wait until after the surgery.

My first run after surgery

Its now after the surgery. I was good for almost a week. Once I was feeling better from the surgery the GI issues started and have been going ever since. The pain in my left side is gone-probably becuase the fibroid is no longer pushing everything to the left. But the other stuff is still there. There have been days when was painful to sit down.
I started back to work part time this week. I was talking to a coworker about autoimmune diseases and how diet can help and that some autoimmune diseases can affect GI. Part of me feels like I am grasping at straws and am denial about the "untreatable" IBS diagnosis but I strong part of me feels that what I am going through is more than IBS. I did some research, one thing led to another and I found some information to back up my concerns. I am ready to go into my appointment on Tuesday, ready for a "fight".  Keep in mind that I have been researching and trying to find answers this whole time but my symptoms have changed over time and I feel I have a clearer understanding of what is going on. What I do know: meat and vegetables trigger my bowel issues more often than not. I have specific pains, I have specific things going on with my bowel movements <---I will spare you the details. One disease that explains more of my symptoms than IBS is Ulcerative Colitis.  It is an inflammatory bowel disease (IBD) Crohn's disease is also an IBD. I had a colonoscopy 3 years ago so that is something that the docs aren't even considering since they typically only need to be done every 5 (this is frustrating to me). I had a stool sample when this all started. I am not sure what they tested for but you bet I am going to be asking if they tested for signs of Colitis. I have had blood work done several times for different things, I just cant remember if the GI has done any yet so yep, I will be checking into that. What also gets me is that I have family history with colon concerns. Polyps, Crohns, cancer, blockages (causing removal of part of the colon) are all things that have been going on with various members of my (immediate and not so immediate) family.  I just want some real answers with more substantial reasons as to why I am having these issues.  

Enough talk about poo. What else is happening behind the scenes. Weight gain. ugh. I didn't really have any weight gain for about two weeks then all of a sudden my body just shifted.  For about a week and half now my body is acting as though I am preparing for pregnancy. My butt should have a sign that reads "wide load" my belly looks like I am 4 months pregnant, my chest, well lets just say it is a good thing I saved some of my big girl undergarments.

my butt

I have gained around 6ish lbs despite the fact that I have been going to the gym, running a little, snow shoeing and being as active as I can be without experiencing pain. I have not been excessively eating. *Something that I didnt think of which was pointed out to me by one of my friends (on facebook) is that I did have some surgery on my girl parts which is bound to affect my hormones. You bet. I did lose a fallopian tube in all of this and that could be a factor with the ole screwy hormone thing that is happening. Doc didn't really say much about that other than oh, we had to remove the tube, it was over the top of the large fibroid.*
 My clothes are definitely not fitting and I am even "filling out" my yoga pants-muffin top and all. What the heck! I had to go back to work part time this week and didnt have enough fat clothes to get me through 3 days. I really hope this is temporary...like real temporary.

So there you have it. This is the not so glamorous behind the scenes that I dont post about on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Tumblr.  Might be TMI but you really didnt have to read it now, did you? :-)

I used to hibernate

 

I used to hibernate in the winter. There wasnt much that I liked about the winter. Its cold. I get cold easy. I just couldnt find a reason to want to spend time outside. A few winters ago (at least 5, before I started running) I decided I wasnt going to hibernate anymore. After all, I am a New Englander I should be out enjoying all seasons of the year. When I moved to New Hampshire from Michigan I thought I would pick up skiing again. I had dabbled a little in college and bought down hill skies that I had only used a couple of times since college.  I quickly learned that on my salary, skiing was not going to be my outdoor winter activity. I decided I would buy snow shoes. I had a good feeling that this activity would bring me out of hibernation and it did!

                                        

There is nothing like the peace and calmness of a snow shoe hike in the woods. Especially at night and especially when it is snowing! I took some photos and some video on my hike today to try to capture the peacefulness. If you tend to hibernate in the winter, I hope that these pics and video help you change your mind and maybe motivate you to explore what winter activities might be appealing to you. 

*Disclaimer: It was cold today, really cold. I took these pics with my phone and had some issues with the focus due to the frigid temp. 

Fox State Fores Ridge trail, one of my favorite close to home running trails.

Its the simple things...I saw these trees and thought "Snow balls"

Snow covered/tree covered trail...detour was necessary.

And this was the view at the end of my snow shoe hike

 

 

Get out out there an enjoy the winter! #noregrets